vrijdag 8 juni 2012


I'm not feeling so happy lately. Alot of things are going on in my mind and it feels like I'm constantly thinking about the future. I'm very sure of myself and knowing what I want with transition, but that doesn't make it easier for me. The long waiting will be very hard, but, I know it will all be worth the wait. Besides, I already waited for several years, so I'm sure I can wait a few more years extra. And, what are a couple of years, if you can enjoy after all of this, for the rest of your life?

I'm really struggling with everything, and today I registered on a transgender forum to read experiences from other trans people. I really hope it will help for me to read that, and to meet more people like me because they know exactly what it means and feels to be trans, or just not being in the right body. And I already do know very few transguys and girls, and I know I can always talk to them, but I often feel such a burden if I would do that. Or just talking to someone about my feelings in general is hard since I have trouble to talk about alot of things. But I was raised in a very closed family, and we never really talked about our feelings, so I don't really know how to become more open when I have never learned that. I do try my best to change that though.

But being in this 'inbetween' position makes me feel very unhappy. I'm not saying I'm depressed because I'm not, but it is getting close to that. Of course I do my best to prevent that. I know I'm very lucky to have amazing friends who make it a bit easier for me. It's great that my friends are calling me by my preferred name, and using the right pronounces as 'he/his/him'. If they didn't, than it would be alot harder for me.

Oh well, enough of this negative talking! I just neede to get this off of my chest. Tomorrow I will see a few of my friends again. It will be great to see them, and to relax my poor overthinking mind. As long as my friends accept me for who I am, and being there for me when times are getting hard, it will be alot easier. And I'm very gratefull for that ♥

4 opmerkingen:

  1. I feel sorry for you that you feel this way! *big hug*
    But I experience the same. It IS hard to finally found out who you really are and that you decided to take the step to get into transition, and then knowing that it will take a couple of years before you are even finished. So yeah, being in between is very hard.
    But like you said, it is only a couple of years compared to almost a whole lifetime you can be who you've always been inside on the outside as well and you've got so many years left to enjoy!

    And I hope the forum will help you. :)

    And if you feel sad or want to talk, or just rant away or get anything rid of your chest, you can always send me a message. I would love to give you support if you need it and it doesn't feel like a burden or anything.


    1. *hugs back* Yes, you know how hard it is. But the long waiting will all be worth it, I am sure of that. And then we will both finally feel amazing, in the body we belong to ^^

      The forum is helping, but I feel insecure to post more personal things. Though it will probably help me, so I will just try that out later.

      And thank you, I'm glad I can always talk to you ♥ I just don't want you to think 'oh no, there's THAT guy again' :p

  2. I feel very sorry you feel so down :(
    I can understand it's really hard to be inbetween, I never felt so myself, but I can imagine what a hard position it must be.

    I really hope the forum can help you!<3

    If you ever want to talk to someone, please know that I'm open for it, you can always talk to me!<3

    1. Thank you dear, I also hope it will help for me. It's a good place because there are more pople in a simulair situation there (though there are more MtF there than FtM).

      And thank you, I'm happy I can talk to you ♥