[6.3.2013]

So yesterday I had my very first appointment at the Vumc, the beginning of diagnostics.
My mother went along with me, because I was very nervous on that day, and because she wanted to come along herself. The VUmc is in Amsterdam, which is not close to home for me. We went there by car and had plenty of time left when we arrived. It's better to arrive early than too late, right? My appointment was at 12:00hrs. Since we arrived a bit early, we took our time to find a good parkinglot and headed inside slowly.

When we arrived at the genderdysphoria department I reported myself at the desk, then we walked to the waitingroom. This time it was a bit more crowded. My previous time when visiting it was almost empty! I saw a few guys waiting there, and it was clear to see that they were much further in the whole process, I wouldn't have guessed they were once born female, awesome!

Around 12:08 I heard my name, and it was finally time to head in a office and have my first talk. I had a very friendly male psychologist. I was so nervous that I felt less confident, and wasn't able to say exactly what I wanted to say. I managed, but I could've done better. I told him I still had some troubles with expressing myself with talking, and that I thought it was easier for me to write down my feelings and such. he then said it would be very helpfull for me to write the lifestory everyone is required to write. I agreed. Some important things that you may have to include: your genderdysforic feelings (how, where, when, what), your sexual development, your sexual interests, your relational history, possible drug and alcohol history. This has to start with your earliest memory, until the moment you applied at the VUmc. I was already worrying a little bit about having to write a lifestory about my life, because I feared I had to write down alot of pages, and that I would forget important things or not manage to reach the deadline. But, luckily the deadline for sending it is before the last appointment, and you can send it with the mail, or by e-mail. I will send the whole thing by e-mail once I'm finished.

He asked me what things I atleast would like to see happen in the future. My answer: " I really want to have the breast surgery and testosterone, which makes my voice lower and to have some facial hair ( ⌒▽⌒) Still doubting on the last operation though, since it's such a drastic procedure." I also expressed my worries about fearing I would not be 'trans enough' to get green light once diagnostics are over. I was told not to worry about it, and that they're mainly more concerned that people don't regret anything (operations) in the future. This made me worry a bit less. He was also a bit funny, so that was nice. It made me a bit less nervous. Psychologist: "What if I would put you in that closet *points finger at closet* with how you are looking right now,  how would you look like when you would come out of that closet?" Me: Looking as a man, obviously :')"

The psychologist was also glad to hear that I brought my mother along for support. He then said he would like her to join the third appointment, and on the fourth appointment my partner also has to join me. I also told him that I was already living as I want to live, as male, and we will discuss this in further detail next time we meet.
 

After this first talk I had to go back to the waitingroom, where my mother was waiting for me. I had to wait to be called again, and to make some new appointments. My mother wanted to know how everything went, and later said that one guy asked how old I was when I was inside the office. When my mother told my age, he thought I looked younger, so that was nice haha! She also said that one person in the waitingroom asked if she was there for herself; my mother:"No, no, I'm only coming along!"

So, we have made 5 other appointments in the future, and also one appointment for a psychology test. The test would take approx. 2-3 hours, and since Amsterdam is not so close to my home, we managed to combine it with a appointment with the psychologist on the same day. My last planned appointment (so far) is on 30 July this year. After that we will see what happen!

When driving back towards Eindhoven I asked if we could stop by Ikea quickly, so that I could buy two photoframes. I will post about them soon, because I've already placed something in them that I would love to share. And then we bought some bubble tea before heading to my home, delicious! ♥

And to end this serious post less serious: