donderdag 7 maart 2013


So yesterday I had my very first appointment at the Vumc, the beginning of diagnostics.
My mother went along with me, because I was very nervous on that day, and because she wanted to come along herself. The VUmc is in Amsterdam, which is not close to home for me. We went there by car and had plenty of time left when we arrived. It's better to arrive early than too late, right? My appointment was at 12:00hrs. Since we arrived a bit early, we took our time to find a good parkinglot and headed inside slowly.

When we arrived at the genderdysphoria department I reported myself at the desk, then we walked to the waitingroom. This time it was a bit more crowded. My previous time when visiting it was almost empty! I saw a few guys waiting there, and it was clear to see that they were much further in the whole process, I wouldn't have guessed they were once born female, awesome!

Around 12:08 I heard my name, and it was finally time to head in a office and have my first talk. I had a very friendly male psychologist. I was so nervous that I felt less confident, and wasn't able to say exactly what I wanted to say. I managed, but I could've done better. I told him I still had some troubles with expressing myself with talking, and that I thought it was easier for me to write down my feelings and such. he then said it would be very helpfull for me to write the lifestory everyone is required to write. I agreed. Some important things that you may have to include: your genderdysforic feelings (how, where, when, what), your sexual development, your sexual interests, your relational history, possible drug and alcohol history. This has to start with your earliest memory, until the moment you applied at the VUmc. I was already worrying a little bit about having to write a lifestory about my life, because I feared I had to write down alot of pages, and that I would forget important things or not manage to reach the deadline. But, luckily the deadline for sending it is before the last appointment, and you can send it with the mail, or by e-mail. I will send the whole thing by e-mail once I'm finished.

He asked me what things I atleast would like to see happen in the future. My answer: " I really want to have the breast surgery and testosterone, which makes my voice lower and to have some facial hair ( ⌒▽⌒) Still doubting on the last operation though, since it's such a drastic procedure." I also expressed my worries about fearing I would not be 'trans enough' to get green light once diagnostics are over. I was told not to worry about it, and that they're mainly more concerned that people don't regret anything (operations) in the future. This made me worry a bit less. He was also a bit funny, so that was nice. It made me a bit less nervous. Psychologist: "What if I would put you in that closet *points finger at closet* with how you are looking right now,  how would you look like when you would come out of that closet?" Me: Looking as a man, obviously :')"

The psychologist was also glad to hear that I brought my mother along for support. He then said he would like her to join the third appointment, and on the fourth appointment my partner also has to join me. I also told him that I was already living as I want to live, as male, and we will discuss this in further detail next time we meet.
After this first talk I had to go back to the waitingroom, where my mother was waiting for me. I had to wait to be called again, and to make some new appointments. My mother wanted to know how everything went, and later said that one guy asked how old I was when I was inside the office. When my mother told my age, he thought I looked younger, so that was nice haha! She also said that one person in the waitingroom asked if she was there for herself; my mother:"No, no, I'm only coming along!"

So, we have made 5 other appointments in the future, and also one appointment for a psychology test. The test would take approx. 2-3 hours, and since Amsterdam is not so close to my home, we managed to combine it with a appointment with the psychologist on the same day. My last planned appointment (so far) is on 30 July this year. After that we will see what happen!

When driving back towards Eindhoven I asked if we could stop by Ikea quickly, so that I could buy two photoframes. I will post about them soon, because I've already placed something in them that I would love to share. And then we bought some bubble tea before heading to my home, delicious! ♥

And to end this serious post less serious:

12 opmerkingen:

  1. Thanks for posting your experience with the first appointment! It is very helpful to me to know what will come. :) (but then again with a different psychologist the first appointment can also be different in the end ofcourse)

    I am glad to hear that he told you not to worry about getting the green lights and that it was more about making sure you won't regret anything. That is such a relieve to hear!

    Also, I am glad to hear for you that you had a very friendly psychologist. And I think that on your second appointment, you'll feel a lot less nervous. :) At least, that's how it always went for me when I had new therapists and such.

    As for the part that you looked much younger... I heard it is a common thing for pre-T guys. :p

    And I am very happy for you that your mother is so supportive and coming along with you. You are so lucky to have such a mother! :D

    And good luck with writing your life story. I don't think you have to worry too much about forgetting important things and such. When I wrote my story somewhere last year, a couple of days later I also suddenly remembered things I forgot to add. So if you just write the whole thing with the topics he mentioned and wait a few days before sending it to him, so that you can add things that you might have forgotten, it'll be fine. And besides, I think a lot of very important things will already be discussed in the sessions themselves, so if you forget to include those in your story but talk about it with the psychologist, that'll be okay too I think. :)

    Anyways, I am really happy for you that your diagnostics have started and good luck with all the future appointments and the psychology test! :D

    1. I'm glad to hear it has been helpful for you though! It is indeed a relief that you shouldn't worry too much about the green light. He said they won't be the ones that decide to give red light. And they will give green light when the team and yourself are agreeing to go firther and such.

      I also hope the next time I will see him, it will go a bit better. I'm always nervous when it comes down to such 'official' conversations, so I really hope I will feel more confident :)

      Haha yes! Funny thing is that everyone from my previous job all thought I was 16 :p I even had to say I was old enough in the cinema to watch a movie for 16 and older xD Oh well, it's a good thing for later I suppose!

      I'm also happy she went along. I told her about when the appointment was, and she asked if she could come along right away. Didn't asked her first :) Also good for her to get used to the idea that it's really going to happen.

      You are right, it's a good idea to not send the story right away when finished, but wait a few days in order to possibly add something ^^

      Thank you!! :D I will keep everyone up-to-date about every time I go to the VU!

  2. Thanks for posting this!!!!

    I am glad to read your mom is supporting you.

    Seems everything is going very well so far! I am really happy for you!!!!!!

    1. Yes, everything went well! I'm also happy that my mother is supporting me and was also there for me :) Almost everyone has been very supportive to me, and I'm very happy for that :D

  3. What an (important) day! - I can imagine how nervous you must have felt - and it's great to hear you mother is supporting you and that guy seemed to be nice.
    Talking about very very personal things is always so very hard ... And I am very happy to hear that everything went so well ^___^

    1. I'm always nervous to have such 'official' conversations. I know I don't have to worry, but it's just the way I am. :) I hope next time will be better, though this time it wasn't terrible :p

  4. Thanks for posting this, I was a little bit curious about the appointment.
    I'm so glad everything went so well!
    It's nice to hear that you talked to a very friendly psychologist.
    I'm also very glad that your mother is very supporting.
    Sounds like she an amazing mom, you are very lucky! ^__^
    I'm so happy for you that your diagnostics have started. :)
    And good luck with everything!

    1. I'm planning to write everything down in my blog about the whole process, to keep everyone informed ^^ I was worried I would get a psychologist that wasn't friendly, so I'm happy I got a good one!

      Thank you!

  5. I'm really glad everything went so well dear ♥ I always hope the best for you, and let us know how it will be the next appointments!

    1. I will keep everyone informed about my upcoming appointments :D Thank you very much, you're always so kind ♥

  6. Good to read everything went so well! The place seems like they really want to help you and also your supportive mother, again, I wish you all the best! And haha, looking younger, well, that's a good compliment ^_^
    Good luck writing your life story! I think it's a good thing to do though! And I agree with the above that if you wait a little before sending it, that you can add in things you might forget at first.
    I think you shouldn't worry about the outcome yet, just be yourself and be true and honest and they'll hopefully end up with the thing that fits you, right? And if you really disagree, can't you take it up with them? Hopefully expressing yourself will get better as you get further along and you know a little better what you want to say and stuff.

    1. I'm also happy everything went well! And thank you, I'm glad to know I don't have to rush with writing the story down, so I can spend a bit more time on it in order to write everything they I want it to be. ^^